What do y'all Think About This Email?

Just to preface this, I won't name the rec association that this came from, but some will recognize it. I'd just ask for those that do, to just comment on the content and not name it. I'll just say "X" to substitute for the name of the association.

Dear Coaches and Parents:

Well it has been two weeks and so far everyone has minded their manors for the most part. However, I am sending out this email to remind everyone about a few things. Over that last few seasons we have had some issues with parent and coach behavior so we came up with a "Zero Tolerance Policy" for "X". All of the coaches, assistant coaches and managers should be aware of the new policy because they were all required to sign it before they were allowed to register this season. For those of you that were at the coaches meeting I read the new agreement in its entirety to leave no room for confusion. For those of you not familiar with the policy I suggest you go the "X.com" homepage and give it a once over and/or see below:

"X" Zero Tolerance
All persons responsible for a team and spectators (coach, assistants, and team managers) shall support the referee team. Failure to do so will undermine the referee's authority and potentially create a hostile environment for the players, the referees, and all other participants and spectators. Consequently, the following policy is effective immediately:

NO SPECTATOR IS TO ADDRESS THE CENTER OR ASSISTANT REFEREE DURING THE MATCH FOR ANY REASON!!!!!

During the Match the Team Captain or Coach may address the referee for:
 Responding to a referee who initiates communication
 Requesting a substitution
 Pointing out emergencies or safety issues
 At half-time or at the end of a match, a coach may ask a referee to explain a rule(s) or a call in a polite and constructive manner. HOWEVER, THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO DEBATE! ABSOLUTELY NO SARCASM, HARASSMENT, OR INTIMIDATION! If a coach feels that there were concerns that need to be address about a referee, then the coach should complete "X's" referee feedback form or contact the Referee Director.

Penalties for Coaches/Managers of Team:
 1st Minor infraction - Referee shall give verbal warning
 2nd Minor infraction - Caution
 3rd Minor infraction - Dismissal
 1st Serious infraction - Caution or Dismissal depending on seriousness of infraction.
(Dissent=Caution; Offensive, insulting, abusive = Dismissal)

We want everyone to enjoy their time at the games and we all need to remember that most of our referees are under the age of 18 and should be treated accordingly. Talk to them the same way you would want someone to talk to your child. If you have a problem with the way a game was officiated the coach of your team is welcome to bring it to the attention of a board member on duty, fill out the comment portion of the game sheet, or ask for a referee evaluation form.

So just to recap, your actions do have consequences so act appropriately and let your coaches handle the dialogue involving the referee's. See you all at the fields.

Thanks,

xxxxxxxx
"X" Coaching Director

I'll share some thoughts on this, but I'd like to hear what y'all think about it.

I would be mortified that they can't spell manners! If they want you to have some learn the correct spelling first

Also funny that they call it a "zero tolerance policy", then go on to list the consequences of multiple infractions. That's not what "zero tolerance" means.

And I was wondering if they had visited everyone's manors to confirm that they were, in fact, being minded.

Most of this sounds like pretty standard jargon. The message sounds like it is intended for some problem parents that have really let the refs hear about it in the past. Has it been enforced at all this season?

As a coach, there are obviously times that I try to communicate with the ref to find out what a specific call was, or if a free kick is direct or indirect. If they can't give the proper indication, then they should be a little forgiving as coaches can't assume what type of kick or what foul was called.

As I read through the email I got one impression... the person who wrote it sounds exhausted by having to deal with the same issues over and over again. It reads to me like the sidelines in this association need to shut up before they start losing both referees and valued board members. Probably this DoC wrote this while taking a short break from beating his head against the wall.

Other than the spelling, I concur. Having been a referee assignor for a decent size home association...I completely understand where they are coming from. Funny thing is...some of the worst parents/coaches on the sideline are also referees. They all think they are obviously a superior referee than the one they are screaming at. lol

I agree with the others. Pretty standard stuff. When I was Coaches Commish for a small association I would write up a similiar one and include on it the NTSSA Spectator Code of Conduct as well as the rule for what constitutes Referee assault or abuse. Ample copies for all parents would be put in the coach's packets. There would also be plenty in the field marshall kits to hand out as reminders or to visiting teams when necessary.
We all see a lot of really stupid stuff just in the course of watching our own kids games. Unless you have done it you have no idea the amount of garbage that must be dealt with when you are the go to guy for every problem at every match in an association. Some seasons are worse than others and it is like wildfire. It must be extinguished quickly before it spreads. I feel his pain.

This type of communication needs to go out on a regular basis in order to have the ability to bar a person from attending their children's events.

Imagine the lawsuit that would be filed if a parent was suspended without being informed that they were expected to conform to a code of conduct prior to the incident...

Referees will get yelled at - there is no stopping it. However, if you don't threaten the offenders, and make an example here and there, it will get out of control. In reality, nobody wants to punish a parent for an isolated emotional outburst when they felt their kid was wronged. But, if it ceases to be isolated, and becomes a habit, the mechanism to deal with it must already be in place to be enforceable.

I received the same email as I am a coach for that association. I have seen how the refs get treated from U6 on up by sideline parent coaches. And when a parent assaults a ref, in this case it was a minor, then yes the association should send out an email like this to inform all that there is a problem.
You get some people out there that are waaaaay out of control and do not think twice about their actions and just spout off with no respect to the ref, team, coach, children, or themselves. It's sad to see it happen, but it does. And yes there have been numerous complaints about actions of parents or coaches and their manners on the field. If the coach has respect and control of their teams actions then I think they should also have respect and control over the parents too. We all try work together and fun doing it.

No animals were hurt in the typing of this reply.

CoachPhil wrote:Also funny that they call it a "zero tolerance policy", then go on to list the consequences of multiple infractions. That's not what "zero tolerance" means.

And I was wondering if they had visited everyone's manors to confirm that they were, in fact, being minded.

Those were EXACTLY my thoughts!

I remember the days they used to have "silent" day on sidelines. They still do that? Kids usually responded fairly well to it.

No one else can send an email exactly in this manner manner, welcome to my manor manor....

Joe scafone wrote:I remember the days they used to have "silent" day on sidelines. They still do that? Kids usually responded fairly well to it.

I was just yesterday telling my wife about those days. Sometimes they were successful and sometimes not. The days they were, were some of the best times the kids ever had.

10sDad wrote:This type of communication needs to go out on a regular basis in order to have the ability to bar a person from attending their children's events.

Imagine the lawsuit that would be filed if a parent was suspended without being informed that they were expected to conform to a code of conduct prior to the incident...
Referees will get yelled at - there is no stopping it. However, if you don't threaten the offenders, and make an example here and there, it will get out of control. In reality, nobody wants to punish a parent for an isolated emotional outburst when they felt their kid was wronged. But, if it ceases to be isolated, and becomes a habit, the mechanism to deal with it must already be in place to be enforceable.

Online and paper registrations include fine print which states that by registering your child you agree to abide by all local association and NTSSA rules and bylaws. No lawsuit there.

Joe scafone wrote:I remember the days they used to have "silent" day on sidelines. They still do that? Kids usually responded fairly well to it.

I coached in those games and you are half correct. Some coaches thought they had to be quiet and their teams did nothing

Coach&Ref wrote:

Joe scafone wrote:I remember the days they used to have "silent" day on sidelines. They still do that? Kids usually responded fairly well to it.

I was just yesterday telling my wife about those days. Sometimes they were successful and sometimes not. The days they were, were some of the best times the kids ever had.

What is this? A security guard suck off?

Also, anyone that says kids under 18 shouldn't be yelled at are not living in the real world. Those pampered children will not know how to handle a professor or boss that yells at them. Eff you softies for ruining our damn kids and country.

"Dear Coaches and Parents:

Well it has been two weeks and so far everyone has minded their manors for the most part."

If the writer is congratulating coaches and parents for taking good care of their landed estates, this makes good sense.

Otherwise, it's an etiquette lesson from a semi-literate Emily Post wannabe.

10sDad wrote:This type of communication needs to go out on a regular basis in order to have the ability to bar a person from attending their children's events.

Imagine the lawsuit that would be filed if a parent was suspended without being informed that they were expected to conform to a code of conduct prior to the incident...

Referees will get yelled at - there is no stopping it. However, if you don't threaten the offenders, and make an example here and there, it will get out of control. In reality, nobody wants to punish a parent for an isolated emotional outburst when they felt their kid was wronged. But, if it ceases to be isolated, and becomes a habit, the mechanism to deal with it must already be in place to be enforceable.

wait, are you suggesting that parents need to be reminded to act like adults while attending their children's activities???

honestly, its a shame to even need a "code of conduct" to adhere to. besides, if you sign your kid up, you have to play by the rules the same as your kid does.

my2cents wrote:

10sDad wrote:This type of communication needs to go out on a regular basis in order to have the ability to bar a person from attending their children's events.

Imagine the lawsuit that would be filed if a parent was suspended without being informed that they were expected to conform to a code of conduct prior to the incident...
Referees will get yelled at - there is no stopping it. However, if you don't threaten the offenders, and make an example here and there, it will get out of control. In reality, nobody wants to punish a parent for an isolated emotional outburst when they felt their kid was wronged. But, if it ceases to be isolated, and becomes a habit, the mechanism to deal with it must already be in place to be enforceable.

Online and paper registrations include fine print which states that by registering your child you agree to abide by all local association and NTSSA rules and bylaws. No lawsuit there.

Too easy to plead ignorance with fine print. Plus, the fine print only references the bylaws...it does not spell them out in the original document - so it opens that door legally (although barely). Granted, the association would ultimately win, but who wants to spend the money to defend it?

My point is, if you are going to enforce a rule that "forcibly" seperates a parent from their child, for any reason...it better be a well known and oft communicated rule, or your legal defense fund will take a beating.

Coach&Ref wrote:

Joe scafone wrote:I remember the days they used to have "silent" day on sidelines. They still do that? Kids usually responded fairly well to it.

I was just yesterday telling my wife about those days. Sometimes they were successful and sometimes not. The days they were, were some of the best times the kids ever had.

So, how would you communicate with the DD coach&ref? Hand signals?

ru4real wrote:

Coach&Ref wrote:

Joe scafone wrote:I remember the days they used to have "silent" day on sidelines. They still do that? Kids usually responded fairly well to it.

I was just yesterday telling my wife about those days. Sometimes they were successful and sometimes not. The days they were, were some of the best times the kids ever had.

So, how would you communicate with the DD coach&ref? Hand signals?

It will take a bit of work on your part, but ASL works best. My wife is a licensed interpreter for the deaf, and the DD took it as a foreign language credit.

I get that rec leagues don't want open criticism of refs but it's bs when competitive tourneys and leagues try to control parents. The competitive folks are parasites that drink from the parents wallet. They must be controlled and not the reverse!

ru4real wrote:

Coach&Ref wrote:

Joe scafone wrote:I remember the days they used to have "silent" day on sidelines. They still do that? Kids usually responded fairly well to it.

I was just yesterday telling my wife about those days. Sometimes they were successful and sometimes not. The days they were, were some of the best times the kids ever had.

So, how would you communicate with the DD coach&ref? Hand signals?

You don't. That's the point! At least one game per season, I would tell the kids before the game, "Y'all know how to use space, pass, dribble, and all of the other things we have been working on in practice. Go out there, organize yourselves, and have fun!" The only thing I would take care of are the substitutions.

They would ask me, "What positions do we play?" I would respond, "Figure it out."

You would be amazed at how much communication between the players would explode when neither I, nor the parents would say anything during the game.

Afterwards, I asked how they liked it, and overwhelmingly, they said things like, "IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!" Their faces would be lit up in happiness. Isn't that what it's all about?

Coach&Ref wrote:

ru4real wrote:

Coach&Ref wrote:

Joe scafone wrote:I remember the days they used to have "silent" day on sidelines. They still do that? Kids usually responded fairly well to it.

I was just yesterday telling my wife about those days. Sometimes they were successful and sometimes not. The days they were, were some of the best times the kids ever had.

So, how would you communicate with the DD coach&ref? Hand signals?

You don't. That's the point! At least one game per season, I would tell the kids before the game, "Y'all know how to use space, pass, dribble, and all of the other things we have been working on in practice. Go out there, organize yourselves, and have fun!" The only thing I would take care of are the substitutions.

They would ask me, "What positions do we play?" I would respond, "Figure it out."

You would be amazed at how much communication between the players would explode when neither I, nor the parents would say anything during the game.

Afterwards, I asked how they liked it, and overwhelmingly, they said things like, "IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!" Their faces would be lit up in happiness. Isn't that what it's all about?

This sounds great! Sign us up- how do you get this started- let's go!!!!!!