In Need Of Advice Part II

It seems that there are a lot of coaches on here whose egos got stepped on when their players went elsewhere. If a player is the top player in a rec program/team and plans to play high school then at U11 it is time for them to move to the next level. If they are not challenged in games or practices, if they are frustrated by the other players lack of skill or effort then it is time to move them. When a parent of one of my players is interested in making the move whether I initiate the discussion or they do I give them honest opinion on their plans or quesions. Sometimes it is yes , the player should go, or no they are not at that level or no not that team etc.. Either way they make their decision I always wish them luck and let them know they can always call me for advice. It does not matter whether I agree or not. I want that player to have a good experience no matter where they go because that is what it is all about.

I take pride in the rec players I have had that go on to be successful in club or high school but know very well that it is them not me that got them there. It is the extra touches at home, the extra effort in practice and games.

Coach&Ref, with over 20 seasons of rec coaching from U7 to U19 I think I am qualified to say that the sick and twisted satifaction you get when your former players falter and fail is just that , sick and twisted, and sad and bitter. It is supposed to be all about the kids, not the parents, not you. Shame on you.

OH I should add my older son is always so happy to see his old coaches and to tell them all the great things he has accomplished. He see's his coaches as part of the reason and amongst the people who have helped him get as far as he has. He has sent plenty of kids and parents in the coaches directions. He is oh so happy to tell parents when they ask where he plays. That he learned from this or that coach and how great of a coach they were for him. Now as a parent do you want to hear a coach tell you about himself or maybe some parents who may or may not know anything about soccer or a highly praised testimonial from a very good skilled player. Coaches you are the players you produce, even when they are no longer with you. Not the trophies, tournaments won, division you play or the games won and lost

my2cents wrote:It seems that there are a lot of coaches on here whose egos got stepped on when their players went elsewhere. If a player is the top player in a rec program/team and plans to play high school then at U11 it is time for them to move to the next level. If they are not challenged in games or practices, if they are frustrated by the other players lack of skill or effort then it is time to move them. When a parent of one of my players is interested in making the move whether I initiate the discussion or they do I give them honest opinion on their plans or quesions. Sometimes it is yes , the player should go, or no they are not at that level or no not that team etc.. Either way they make their decision I always wish them luck and let them know they can always call me for advice. It does not matter whether I agree or not. I want that player to have a good experience no matter where they go because that is what it is all about.

I take pride in the rec players I have had that go on to be successful in club or high school but know very well that it is them not me that got them there. It is the extra touches at home, the extra effort in practice and games.

Coach&Ref, with over 20 seasons of rec coaching from U7 to U19 I think I am qualified to say that the sick and twisted satifaction you get when your former players falter and fail is just that , sick and twisted, and sad and bitter. It is supposed to be all about the kids, not the parents, not you. Shame on you.

yay 2cents now thats sounds like some coaching.

I'm with go99 and 2cents-

How incredibly selfish of you coach. Why be involved at all if you feed on others' failures. I do believe in being honest even if it isn't reciprocated. I do get burned from time to time, but oh well. It seems like a lot to carry around to gain satisfaction from bitterness. I feel like my job as a coach is to revel in the kids' successes and pick them up from their failures. After all, these are kids.

When I come across a parent who disagrees, that is fine-it isn't a good fit anyway on a values level, so better to not have them poisoning the well. I know that not everyone agrees with me, but find those who are like-minded and the drama and stress is significantly reduced-that is when kids tend to grow the most.

I do agree that everyone is ultimately a free agent when the "contract" is up, but building lasting relationships with teammates is something any former athlete and coach reveres, so when I look for a team, I look at the "fit" as much as the talent. When the contract is up, the people who enjoy that atmosphere will be the core, and the "free agent" will wander to the next miracle worker and probably be happier there anyway.

Blame this on my computer since it locked up in the middle of my post. Let me fill in the rest:

THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE GIRLS! IT'S ABOUT THE PARENTS!

Firstly, EVERY SINGLE ONE of the girls I have coached and seen on the fields, have run up to me, given me hugs and are excited to see me. Never have I held a grudge against a girl and have learned a LONG time ago, to let go anything that has to do with parents.

Keep this in perspective. We are talking about girls that I have had from very young till until close to Select age.

I have ALWAYS told parents during these many years, to please go to as MANY open practices and camps that big clubs put on. I let them know ALL the time that they need to do what is best for their daughters and if they think they can find better coaching somewhere else, than to go by all means. This is definitely a motivator for me to continue to develop as a coach and to give parents a taste of the other coaches who are out there. I even give them some guidelines to look for when they go such as, "look how many touches your girl gets on the ball. Make sure the coach avoids the three "L's (no lines, no laps, no lectures). Look at how the practiced is structured and see what you think. I have NEVER had a parent come back from these big clubs and say "WOW, this practice was AWESOME!" In fact, the opposite is what I always hear. I have always been criticized by my clubs for sending my parents to other clubs to check them out, but I have always been that confident in my training between those ages, that I was pretty sure that no one would be leaving. If they did, then that was OK too.

Anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I have ZERO problem handing a team or a player(s) over to someone else that I feel will be able to take them further or develop them past what I think I could.

What I meant about the satisfaction about the stagnation comes from the parents who go behind your back and try to bring others with them to another place where they think the "grass will be greener" for whatever reason. They perceive success by the way the TEAM does, but not always focusing on their girl's individual development progress. I have always made it a practice to explain to parents and players what EACH individual girl needs to work on to break bad habits, even going to far as to email videos, stay late after practices, etc. I even go so far as to INVITE coaches I know to my practices to give the girls a different voice to hear and possibly learn some new things myself. I then see these few players on other big clubs, that after watching them play, have THE EXACT SAME BAD HABITS that I worked with them on years ago which their current coach(es) fail to tackle. I can see exactly what they are doing. They are using the skill set the girls possessed before and just utilized that to win games, instead of truly doing them any favors by DEVELOPING them.

I'm not bitter about anything. I just feel sad for the girls that I see in those positions, just because their parent's were more focused on prestige and club name rather than focusing on being with someone who will.

The surreptitiousness of parents when nearing the select age is what used to really get to me in the past. This is what hurts small clubs as well. When you get a core that you have poured your heart and soul into and have parents who are behind you "100%!", you begin to make preparations to move to the next level. Secretly, your core are being talked into a big club by a used car salesman who promises them that not only can he do just as good of a development job as you can, but also by the simple sheer volume of numbers the club can bring in, will pretty much guarantee them a top team. These parents definitely do appreciate the work you did for their girls, yet wait until the LAST moment to drop the bomb and leave both you and the club hanging.

Are they doing what they think is best for their daughters? OF COURSE? Is it loyalty? OF COURSE NOT AND NOR WAS IT EXPECTED TO BE. Is it cowardly? YEP! Most people are spineless and instead of just saying, "Thanks for all of your hard work and dedication to my daughter's training, but we have decided to go this other route", parents usually want to take the slimy way out, leaving smaller clubs and coaches stranded.

Coach-

I have read your posts for a while, and I was shocked to read the other post. This is more in line with what I have seen in the past. Thanks for setting the record straight.

I would agree with most parents and the way they are. NTX enviornment is all about wins and big clubs. I do believe at some point a player has to move on. I do believe a coach only has so much to teach. But I also believe going into select is not that time. Learning to play is still more important that the division you play in. I also believe when moving on the coach can be your biggest help in making that next step. And many sneaky slimy parents miss out on that help because they let the play to the ego take command.

What about the big clubs and their loyalty?
They switch coaches every couple of years after the girls reach a certain age. They become accustumed
to that coach and it seems that the coach makes the transition without any problems.
They just say "this is going to be the new coach, good luck, Bye"

They do this to attach the loyalty to the club not the coach. I think after select it's probably a good idea to have a new coach every few years anyway. It's brings in a new perspective and knowledge and teaching

go99 wrote:They do this to attach the loyalty to the club not the coach. I think after select it's probably a good idea to have a new coach every few years anyway. It's brings in a new perspective and knowledge and teaching

That's a very good question. Can a team that is coached by one coach for 6 or more years achieve all they have the potential to achieve? Is it better to have a new coach every 2 years so that in 6 years the DDs have had three coaches?

well theres the rub. I think a "team" coached by the same coach let's say thru select may achieve more. Consistancy and really honing in on a philosophy. However the individual player may achieve more by being exposed to more.

go99 wrote:well theres the rub. I think a "team" coached by the same coach let's say thru select may achieve more. Consistancy and really honing in on a philosophy. However the individual player may achieve more by being exposed to more.

So rotate individual skills coaches yearly but keep the team coach steady as long as the team is making progress?

it's not about skills. Coaches teach a certian style of play and philosophy. There really is no "right" soccer. Coaches run practices a certian way and they all have their different drills etc. It's not that they are doing it the "right" way. At an older age it keeps them fresh and sharp and not jaded "oh I've heard this a hundred times before". We have different teachers thru school, I am not sure why we believe the one coach can be the end all be all. I am of course talking about select age older kids. Academy age consistency helps. Oh and I don't do seperate skills at all. The coach should teach it and the kid should pick up a damn ball. I am always tickled by the american kids with thousands of dollars tied up in clinical skills and no ability to do anything on the field. Brazil is more skillful not because the kids take skill lesson but because they play with the ball. The ball is the best teacher of skill.

Have you ever told your old kid something and in the middle of you very important, highly thought out lecture you see their eyes glass over? It's not rude, or mean, it's just that they have heard it over and over. I know all my dads old stories. lessons, and lectures. Same thing happens to a coach. A good coach can teach. A great coach knows when it is time to pass his precious team on. I do like to see the kids stay together though. It's builds great life experiences

hombre wrote:

go99 wrote:well theres the rub. I think a "team" coached by the same coach let's say thru select may achieve more. Consistancy and really honing in on a philosophy. However the individual player may achieve more by being exposed to more.

So rotate individual skills coaches yearly but keep the team coach steady as long as the team is making progress?

Michael Bradley (USMNT & Roma) is one of my favorite players. Bob Bradley (Ex-USMNT Head Coach & Head Coach of Egypt's NT) is his father and he's a big reason why I like Michael so much. Did Michael have different coaches to build him into the player that he has become? Yes, obviously. Would Michael be the player that he is today if his father wasn't coaching him his entire career along the way? I seriously doubt it. Michael benefitted from that continuity.

I like your idea. I think players would benefit from a blend of both. I don't think players benefit from a complete divorce from an old coach (or team) that they like. Sweeping changes, just for the sake of making changes, doesn't necessarily benefit a player. If anything it risks setting them back. I think players benefit from continuity. I think they need both.

Changing coaches is essential after a few years. The kids stop learning and a new coach can shake off the doldrums and reignite passion and effort . They also may see your kid differently from the old coach. I know kids who were only thought of as defenders move to striker and do well and move to their positions. The new coach may also not have ore conceived notions about your kids ability to do different things.

silentparent wrote:Changing coaches is essential after a few years. The kids stop learning and a new coach can shake off the doldrums and reignite passion and effort . They also may see your kid differently from the old coach. I know kids who were only thought of as defenders move to striker and do well and move to their positions. The new coach may also not have ore conceived notions about your kids ability to do different things.

Its not essential! Imagine that the previous coach thought very highly of your DD but the new coach doesnt rate her! It works both ways!

Nooneaskedmebut wrote:
What about the big clubs and their loyalty?
They switch coaches every couple of years after the girls reach a certain age. They become accustumed
to that coach and it seems that the coach makes the transition without any problems.
They just say "this is going to be the new coach, good luck, Bye"

Some do and some don't.

I wouldn't work for a club that required me to do that unless that was their policy and I fully understood that I would only have them for "X" number of years. I could at least prepare the parents ahead of time that this was the policy.

I would do that on my own if I came to the point that I felt that there was a better coach that could take the team further. I would ask to stay on and assist, just so I could learn and bridge that gap between the new coach and the players, but understand that it is about the girls!

Unfortunately, almost everyone has an impossible time setting aside their egos and understanding that what is important at the end of the day, is both the continuous development of girls as well as teaching them to become well adjusted, confident, adults.

dadof3 wrote:Coach-

I have read your posts for a while, and I was shocked to read the other post. This is more in line with what I have seen in the past. Thanks for setting the record straight.

Hopefully, the other posters will agree with you since my past posts were WAY off from that one! I got up to get a drink and when I got back, I was frozen. ACK!

Development has become a buzz word on these boards. (“I’m looking for a coach that focuses on development.”) It’s become similar to the word Synergy. That word always drives me nuts. I always wondered if the people that were using the word actually knew what synergy was. I realize they can give the definition of the word but do they actually know what synergy entails?

Imaginary Person: “I’m looking for a coach that focuses on development.”
Me: “Well… I’m looking for a coach that focuses on synergy. Synergy is really important to my 9 year-old. She is always asking me to find her a team that has better synergy. We talk about that all the time over juice boxes and fruit snacks.”

Don’t chase synergy and don’t chase development. If you’re looking for a coach that will develop your DD, have her with a coach that she likes and who’s invested in her success. Find a coach that depends on her to do well. If you find a coach that needs your DD to play well, he/she will do everything possible to not only help her improve but also keep her happy.