Awesome 4 year old!

InaB wrote:OK, so my question in general is, why does one need to bribe a player to do well? I thought (maybe foolishly) that a player plays because they love the sport. That being said, even my dd gets a little burn out now and then, but she doesn't quit because ultimately she loves the game. If they are in it for the bribes, just where does it stop? And if we bribing them to play the game, is it for her or for us? I admit that I get withdrawal come July and August. But is my need to watch her play important enough to bribe her to play? No matter how wonderful I think my dd is (and I do) if her heart isn't in it enough to do her best without a bribe, then what is the point in her playing? Does this carry over to everywhere elese in her life? Do I need to bribe her to get good grades? Do I need to bribe her to clean her room? Do I need to bribe her to be nice to her siblings?

Sorry for the rant, but this idea of paying a player to score does exactly what was mentioned earlier, causes ball hogging and lost opportunities. It makes team mates resent the player. And, it also tells other teams just who to target because the ball never gets to anyone else.

I don't think rewarding after the fact is bad at all. I take my dd to a special lunch when she plays exceptionally well, but I don't promise it before hand. And I don't do it after every game. If she played a good game, I tell her so and tell her how proud I am of her. If she played well above her normal game that is when I try to think of something special to do after the game. I don't plan it ahead of time or tell her ahead of time. That way, it is a reward for her own efforts and because she went beyond. sometimes it is a reward for aiding other team mates rather than scoring. I want her to know that there is as much valor in an assist or a great pass or protecting a player as there is in actually scoring.

I just know that I can't follow her around for the rest of her life bribing her to do the best at her job, as a wife or mother, etc.

Sorry if this was too preachy, just a bit of a sore spot.

Uncle Numanga wrote:

Coach&Ref wrote:

BigBoy wrote:i dont know most of you guys, but I know Unc...I know his daughter, and I know mine. Mine is a keeper now, but at that age...she got $1 per goal. Regularly would go home with $5 to $9 from just paw-paw. Pretty sure Unc could recount the same story. you can tell very early-on who has "somethin" and who are the "roys".

How much does she get for assists? Aren't they just as good as goals?

I ALWAYS encourage my parents to NOT pay for goals. It encourages ball hogging and not making the right decisions in order to just make money. Plus, what about the defense? How do they earn money?

If your daughter hustles, has fun and plays hard, just get her some ice cream on the way home.

That's a great idea. I'll start bribing my kid with ice cream. Maybe a juice box, if she really tries hard. Or maybe a tank of gas or a car wash. Or a prom dress.

Lawnboy wrote:

Uncle Numanga wrote:

Coach&Ref wrote:

BigBoy wrote:i dont know most of you guys, but I know Unc...I know his daughter, and I know mine. Mine is a keeper now, but at that age...she got $1 per goal. Regularly would go home with $5 to $9 from just paw-paw. Pretty sure Unc could recount the same story. you can tell very early-on who has "somethin" and who are the "roys".

How much does she get for assists? Aren't they just as good as goals?

I ALWAYS encourage my parents to NOT pay for goals. It encourages ball hogging and not making the right decisions in order to just make money. Plus, what about the defense? How do they earn money?

If your daughter hustles, has fun and plays hard, just get her some ice cream on the way home.

That's a great idea. I'll start bribing my kid with ice cream. Maybe a juice box, if she really tries hard. Or maybe a tank of gas or a car wash. Or a prom dress.

Or a share of Manchester United (NYSE:MANU). It's currently cheaper than a prom dress and has the added bonuses of probably costing less each week your dd scores.

InaB wrote:Hi Boiler I do not consider a milkshake a bad thing, especially at 4 or 5. However, having been involved in soccer since my SD was a, 4, I have seen that she girls get cellphones, ipods computers, money and other things offered for scoring which is why this rankles a bit.

Coach&Ref wrote:

InaB wrote:OK, so my question in general is, why does one need to bribe a player to do well? I thought (maybe foolishly) that a player plays because they love the sport. That being said, even my dd gets a little burn out now and then, but she doesn't quit because ultimately she loves the game. If they are in it for the bribes, just where does it stop? And if we bribing them to play the game, is it for her or for us? I admit that I get withdrawal come July and August. But is my need to watch her play important enough to bribe her to play? No matter how wonderful I think my dd is (and I do) if her heart isn't in it enough to do her best without a bribe, then what is the point in her playing? Does this carry over to everywhere elese in her life? Do I need to bribe her to get good grades? Do I need to bribe her to clean her room? Do I need to bribe her to be nice to her siblings?

Sorry for the rant, but this idea of paying a player to score does exactly what was mentioned earlier, causes ball hogging and lost opportunities. It makes team mates resent the player. And, it also tells other teams just who to target because the ball never gets to anyone else.

I don't think rewarding after the fact is bad at all. I take my dd to a special lunch when she plays exceptionally well, but I don't promise it before hand. And I don't do it after every game. If she played a good game, I tell her so and tell her how proud I am of her. If she played well above her normal game that is when I try to think of something special to do after the game. I don't plan it ahead of time or tell her ahead of time. That way, it is a reward for her own efforts and because she went beyond. sometimes it is a reward for aiding other team mates rather than scoring. I want her to know that there is as much valor in an assist or a great pass or protecting a player as there is in actually scoring.

I just know that I can't follow her around for the rest of her life bribing her to do the best at her job, as a wife or mother, etc.

Sorry if this was too preachy, just a bit of a sore spot.

Exactly! My two desires for all of my kids before they play are to hustle and have fun. That is the only thing I tell them. They may have a bad game, just like everyone has a bad day now and then in life, but if they hustled and given their all, then I am proud of them. It has helped a LOT with their enjoyment of the game, since they know they won't "lose" any money opportunity if they don't do something.

There are two types of motivation: extrinsic (external) and intrinsic (internal). Parents who pay for things when raising their kids in order to increase performance such as good grades, sports performance, etc. will find that as soon as that extrinsic motivation for the kids goes away, then performance will drop again. Encouraging kids to believe in themselves and work hard for their own sake in order to help drive that intrinsic motivation, will find that those children will have happier lives. They will understand that accomplishing goals for no other reason than to see the fruits of their labors will lead them to be much happier in life.

If you look at all of the soccer players in the world, I can pretty much guarantee you that they never had to be paid as youngsters in order to go practice by themselves in the backyard nor even ordered to do so. You always saw them with a ball at their feet and couldn't even get them to come in the house nor find where they even were because they were always desiring to get better and practice on their own or with friends.

grassyknoll wrote:

Coach&Ref wrote:

InaB wrote:OK, so my question in general is, why does one need to bribe a player to do well? I thought (maybe foolishly) that a player plays because they love the sport. That being said, even my dd gets a little burn out now and then, but she doesn't quit because ultimately she loves the game. If they are in it for the bribes, just where does it stop? And if we bribing them to play the game, is it for her or for us? I admit that I get withdrawal come July and August. But is my need to watch her play important enough to bribe her to play? No matter how wonderful I think my dd is (and I do) if her heart isn't in it enough to do her best without a bribe, then what is the point in her playing? Does this carry over to everywhere elese in her life? Do I need to bribe her to get good grades? Do I need to bribe her to clean her room? Do I need to bribe her to be nice to her siblings?

Sorry for the rant, but this idea of paying a player to score does exactly what was mentioned earlier, causes ball hogging and lost opportunities. It makes team mates resent the player. And, it also tells other teams just who to target because the ball never gets to anyone else.

I don't think rewarding after the fact is bad at all. I take my dd to a special lunch when she plays exceptionally well, but I don't promise it before hand. And I don't do it after every game. If she played a good game, I tell her so and tell her how proud I am of her. If she played well above her normal game that is when I try to think of something special to do after the game. I don't plan it ahead of time or tell her ahead of time. That way, it is a reward for her own efforts and because she went beyond. sometimes it is a reward for aiding other team mates rather than scoring. I want her to know that there is as much valor in an assist or a great pass or protecting a player as there is in actually scoring.

I just know that I can't follow her around for the rest of her life bribing her to do the best at her job, as a wife or mother, etc.

Sorry if this was too preachy, just a bit of a sore spot.

Exactly! My two desires for all of my kids before they play are to hustle and have fun. That is the only thing I tell them. They may have a bad game, just like everyone has a bad day now and then in life, but if they hustled and given their all, then I am proud of them. It has helped a LOT with their enjoyment of the game, since they know they won't "lose" any money opportunity if they don't do something.

There are two types of motivation: extrinsic (external) and intrinsic (internal). Parents who pay for things when raising their kids in order to increase performance such as good grades, sports performance, etc. will find that as soon as that extrinsic motivation for the kids goes away, then performance will drop again. Encouraging kids to believe in themselves and work hard for their own sake in order to help drive that intrinsic motivation, will find that those children will have happier lives. They will understand that accomplishing goals for no other reason than to see the fruits of their labors will lead them to be much happier in life.

If you look at all of the soccer players in the world, I can pretty much guarantee you that they never had to be paid as youngsters in order to go practice by themselves in the backyard nor even ordered to do so. You always saw them with a ball at their feet and couldn't even get them to come in the house nor find where they even were because they were always desiring to get better and practice on their own or with friends.

Why do they insist on being paid now?

grassyknoll wrote:Not at all. But then again, I don't think you really understood the question.

Coach&Ref wrote:

grassyknoll wrote:Not at all. But then again, I don't think you really understood the question.

I'm sorry. Would you please elaborate?