Good Ref Approach

Got this off the boys forum from "urahater" (who gave me permission to post here). Refs catch alot of flack on this forum, but this is good insight - IMO - to how a good one approaches a game.
original link: http://www.txsoccer.info/t7237-primetime-winter-blast-for-03-boys

"I am a parent and a ref. When i started to ref my boy was 5 at the time so he started to play rec. a good buddy of mine told me become a ref and enjoy the game and make extra cash. so i took the class and started to ref. i started in plano premier and moved to classic and lake highland girls. i went from grade 8 to grade 7.

When i started to ref i always got upset/mad at the parents and coaches when they yelled "how do you not see the foul but you saw the other one" or "thats not a foul" when it was shoulder to shoulder which many people confuse and want fouls. wheter i had missed the call or not i got really mad. i would then look at the parent and said quiet youre here to watch the game not to ref. the first seasons (spring and fall) i ref i got to know more refs personally and had assesments. the older guys who had ref for many years here and their countries of origin would tell me you need to calm down when you are in the center or in the parents side as lineman, i asked why? bc you are taking this personally.

i would said to my friends and the assesors yes but am trying to do my job and they are yelling, i understand you are but you need to block the parents bc they are here to see the game and cheer for their boys after all they are paying. imagine you being in that side. when the coach yelled at me, i would said you are here to coach not to ref, you do your job i'll do mine. i was a jerk and started to argue with them back and forth. i would said this is your first warning next one you are out. i kicked out so many coaches out and parents and once the whole bench.

then one day i ref with a guy who introduced him self to the coach and shook their hands and said. "let me do my job and you do your job, i will not deal with the parents i will deal with you, if you can't calm your bench i will come up to you once and remind you that is your responsability if i have to remind you again i will kick you out. i was like WT_! i ref with him a few games then one day i was center and he was lines. during half-time he told me calm down, he said "imaging a professional game, do you think the ref is going to said to the fans be quiet or am going to kick you out or his going to tell that to the coach. i would tell him but that is different that is a progame and this is classic and lake highland girls. he said and your point is? you are here to manage the game inside the pitch, you deal with players and coaches.

well... i learned from the old man. one day i had to ref a showcase in richland, i was center and guess what coach was there to me one of the biggest mouth, TATU. see he uses reverse psychology to piss you off. so he said to me after a call, "ref, i love you" and i got hot and mad and i remember the old ref and i said to him "Tatu, you are the first in my heart". He laugh and asked me what did you said i thought he was going to curse me out, but i repeated my self. i shut his mouth with kindness. he came over to me after and just shook my hand and didn't said a word and just walked away laughing.

i am no in my 12th yr being a ref and i have learned a lot good and bad. i now introduce my self to the coach and talk about why we are there, "we are there for the boys & girls" not for that parent or coach who never made it and now is trying to see their self in their kids. being loud is part of the game and if you are a thin skin ref than don't ref. it's just a badge, am not saying disrepect the ref but we refs need to calm down!