All Right I think we are in the doldrums and need a few really bad jokes

Any resemblance between these jokes and LH soccer games, parents and refs, is purely coincidental!

A game between two 2000 teams took place after a week of monsoonal Texas weather and the UTD fields resembled a swamp. However, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the coin to determine ends. The visiting team won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said, 'OK - we'll take the shallow end!'


A parent at a game between two 2000 girls’ teams kept up a constant barrage of insults and derogatory remarks directed against the referee. Finally the ref could stand it no longer. He marched over to the sideline and, looking the parent squarely in the eye, shouted, 'Look here - I've been watching you for the last twenty minutes . . .' 'I thought so,' the parent shouted back. 'I knew you couldn't have been watching the game!”


A player is offside if they are nearer to the opponent's goal line than both the ball and the second last player - except on alternate Saturdays when in addition the second last player must be facing in the opposite goals direction in which the ball is directed.

All offside regulations are immediately found to be in favor of the defending team if shortly after the ball is played they all stop in unison, and raise their right arm to the linesman and appeal for an offside decision.

Three parents were bemoaning the fact that their team kept losing and was facing the possibility of LH QT. "I blame the coach" said the first, "if he would sign better players then we could have been a great team." "I blame the players (except for my perfect child)" said the second, "if they made more effort I am sure we would score more goals." "I blame my parents", added the third, "if I'd been born in another town, I am sure my child would be in a better league!

A soccer parent appeared in court charged with disorderly conduct and assault. The arresting officer, told the judge that the accused had thrown something into the port-a-potty. `What exactly was it that he threw into the port-a-potty asked the judge. 'Stones, sir, the policeman said. ''Well, that's hardly an offence is it,” asked the judge. ''It was in this case, sir,' said the police officer. “Stones was the referee.”


A rather dim parent arrived at a soccer match midway through the second half. "What's the score?" he asked another parent as he settled into his seat. "Zero to zero," comes the reply. "And what was the score at half-time?" he asked.

Three soccer players, one from Liverpool, Texans, and Sting, were stranded on a remote island. They had been there for days and were about to give up hope of rescue. One afternoon while walking on the beach together they found an old lamp. The Texan rubbed to clean it and a genie appeared.

"I will grant you one wish", said the genie.
"I wish I was back at home", replied the Texan.
"As you wish", and poof the Texan was home.

Not wanting to stay a minute longer the Sting player rubbed the lamp receiving the same offer.

"I will grant you one wish", said the genie.
"I also wish I was back at home", replied the Sting girl.
"As you wish", and poof she was home.

The girl from Liverpool did not want to miss this opportunity to experience a real genie lamp. She also rubbed the magic lamp and of course out came the genie.

"I will grant you one wish", said the genie.
She thought long and hard about how to use her one wish. After a few moments she had it.
"I am feeling kind of lonely now so I would like to have my two friends back", said the Liverpool girl.
"As you wish".