A little pre New Year's Eve jokes

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Jim, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important, football or lunch with the family.
Hoping to keep the peace Jim ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant conversation before going to the family room and turning on the television.
Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even brought a cold drink for him. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Jim told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.
'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.'

My New Year’s resolution is to break my resolutions! (Winner!)

On New Year’s Eve at a local bar, Marilyn said, “it is almost time for the new year. At the stroke of midnight, I want all you men and women to go stand next to the person who has made your life worthwhile for the past year.” As the clock struck midnight, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.


Add em if you've got em!