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How would you handle this hypothetical situation?

-New player gets release and joins your dd's team. This player has a track record of moving from team to team, burning bridges, and getting releases early in each season

-New player is higher level than players at your dd's team and "graces" them with her presence. Doesn't know the meaning of the word pass and is condescending about the abilities of those around her. Ball hog is understatement.

-New players dad thinks his dd walks on water and treats other parents similar to how his Mia Hamm daughter treats her new teammates.

-Coach is not offering a remedy. He's enamored with the talent of new player and overlooks her actions and attitudes toward teammates.

-Players on the team want new player gone. Parents want new player and parent gone. Many are threatening to leave at midseason due to this one situation

Hypothetical? Everyday occurrence more accurately.

Nimda wrote:How would you handle this hypothetical situation?

-New player gets release and joins your dd's team.  This player has a track record of moving from team to team, burning bridges, and getting releases early in each season

-New player is higher level than players at your dd's team and "graces" them with her presence.  Doesn't know the meaning of the word pass and is condescending about the abilities of those around her.  Ball hog is understatement.

-New players dad thinks his dd walks on water and treats othe




parents similar to how his Mia Hamm daughter treats her new teammates.

-Coach is not offering a remedy.  He's enamored with the talent of new player and overlooks her actions and attitudes toward teammates.

-Players on the team want new player gone.  Parents want new player and parent gone.  Many are threatening to leave at midseason due to this one situation

Have you voiced your concerns with the coach? If so, and your DD feels strongly enough about leaving. It is time to go!

Nimda wrote:How would you handle this hypothetical situation?

-New player gets release and joins your dd's team.  This player has a track record of moving from team to team, burning bridges, and getting releases early in each season

-New player is higher level than players at your dd's team and "graces" them with her presence.  Doesn't know the meaning of the word pass and is condescending about the abilities of those around her.  Ball hog is understatement.

-New players dad thinks his dd walks on water and treats other parents similar to how his Mia Hamm daughter treats her new teammates.

-Coach is not offering a remedy.  He's enamored with the talent of new player and overlooks her actions and attitudes toward teammates.

-Players on the team want new player gone.  Parents want new player and parent gone.  Many are threatening to leave at midseason due to this one situation

Sounds like you are learning that the coach cares about the team and wins rather than the individual players and or parents. Welcome to the world of 'select' soccer.

[quote="Zizou"]

Nimda wrote:How would you handle this hypothetical situation?

-New player gets release and joins your dd's team.  This player has a track record of moving from team to team, burning bridges, and getting releases early in each season

-New player is higher level than players at your dd's team and "graces" them with her presence.  Doesn't know the meaning of the word pass and is condescending about the abilities of those around her.  Ball hog is understatement.

-New players dad thinks his dd walks on water and treats othe




parents similar to how his Mia Hamm daughter treats her new teammates.

-Coach is not offering a remedy.  He's enamored with the talent of new player and overlooks her actions and attitudes toward teammates.

-Players on the team want new player gone.  Parents want new player and parent gone.  Many are threatening to leave at midseason due to this one situation[/quote]



Have you voiced your concerns with the coach? If so, and your DD feels strongly enough about leaving. It is time to go!

I would also recommend being very careful with making a decision about your DD with what a group is saying or threatening to do.

I learned not too long ago that one player does not make the TEAM. If this player and parent are bringing the team down, then talk to the coach and if you don't like what you hear, make a decision for your daughter and family to leave or stay. There are many teams out there that don't have this problem and would welcome your family. Teams change drastically when signing comes around, and people who you thought would stay with the team, don't. And players you've never scene will suddenly be on your roster. So, my advice is not to listen to the team, but go with your gut.

The perfect mix is this: players like each other, players/parents like coach, and parents like each other. Hard to find, but I can tell you, it's out there.

Since this player has a habit of getting release after release, there should be reasons for being able to get a competitive releases during mid season.

I'm guessing that y'all have been in select for a few years now (age group?), so have probably seen or heard of this happening before, correct?

Quite a few parents get pretty myopic when it comes to their daughters. If they see a player come out to their practice that is quite noticeably better than their girl, then immediately hackles get raised because it threatens playing time for their girls.

With that being said, if the dad is being completely obnoxious and the girl is treating her teammates like they are unworthy of being on the pitch with her, then that creates a hostile environment and should be dealt with.

If the former situation is true, then the rest of the parents should try to find out HOW the girl acquired her skills and if they can do the same. A the end of the day, no position on a team is safe and kids will get replaced if better ones show.

Coach&Ref:

I love your tag line at the bottom.

May be the biggest inhibition to the mental development of our players in NTX.

"A the end of the day, no position on a team is safe and kids will get replaced if better ones show."

i had a couple of conversations with my dd early in her life. i told her, we love you, many others love you, the coach likes you, you are a smart good person. that being said, you play half a.., don't run hard, don't give 100 percent, don't work on your skills, YOU WILL BE REPLACED. You are playing in a competitive environment. now that you understand, its all up to you...

silentparent wrote: "A the end of the day, no position on a team is safe and kids will get replaced if better ones show."

i had a couple of conversations with my dd early in her life. i told her, we love you, many others love you, the coach likes you, you are a smart good person. that being said, you play half a.., don't run hard, don't give 100 percent,  don't work on your skills, YOU WILL BE REPLACED. You are playing in a competitive environment. now that you understand, its all up to you...

Holy sh.....t well done!    

Zizou wrote:

silentparent wrote: "A the end of the day, no position on a team is safe and kids will get replaced if better ones show."

i had a couple of conversations with my dd early in her life. i told her, we love you, many others love you, the coach likes you, you are a smart good person. that being said, you play half a.., don't run hard, don't give 100 percent,  don't work on your skills, YOU WILL BE REPLACED. You are playing in a competitive environment. now that you understand, its all up to you...

Holy sh.....t well done!    

That is one great quote!

Coach&Ref wrote:Since this player has a habit of getting release after release, there should be reasons for being able to get a competitive releases during mid season.

I'm guessing that y'all have been in select for a few years now (age group?), so have probably seen or heard of this happening before, correct?

Quite a few parents get pretty myopic when it comes to their daughters. If they see a player come out to their practice that is quite noticeably better than their girl, then immediately hackles get raised because it threatens playing time for their girls.

With that being said, if the dad is being completely obnoxious and the girl is treating her teammates like they are unworthy of being on the pitch with her, then that creates a hostile environment and should be dealt with.

If the former situation is true, then the rest of the parents should try to find out HOW the girl acquired her skills and if they can do the same. A the end of the day, no position on a team is safe and kids will get replaced if better ones show.

But coach, isn't the OP hypothetically referring to you and your DD?   

Sorry Coach, I couldn't resist, Just Curious was looking for some 03 drama and you are always an easy target.

But it does make you wonder… Did you ever get that release?

herradura wrote:

Coach&Ref wrote:Since this player has a habit of getting release after release, there should be reasons for being able to get a competitive releases during mid season.

I'm guessing that y'all have been in select for a few years now (age group?), so have probably seen or heard of this happening before, correct?

Quite a few parents get pretty myopic when it comes to their daughters. If they see a player come out to their practice that is quite noticeably better than their girl, then immediately hackles get raised because it threatens playing time for their girls.

With that being said, if the dad is being completely obnoxious and the girl is treating her teammates like they are unworthy of being on the pitch with her, then that creates a hostile environment and should be dealt with.

If the former situation is true, then the rest of the parents should try to find out HOW the girl acquired her skills and if they can do the same. A the end of the day, no position on a team is safe and kids will get replaced if better ones show.

But coach, isn't the OP hypothetically referring to you and your DD?   

Sorry Coach, I couldn't resist, Just Curious was looking for some 03 drama and you are always an easy target.

But it does make you wonder… Did you ever get that release?

Geez Herradura. Are you going to haunt me from forum to forum? Just leave bashing my comments (not me personally, we agreed) to the 03 forum.

The OP referenced getting releases early EACH season. Since this is the first season of select, and you don't need releases for Academy, I asked what age group the OP was referencing.

Also, my girl gets along with everyone on the pitch and has friends on a lot of teams. She has never been in any situation where parents were united against her. I'm also too busy at practices watching the session to see what I need to work on with my daughter and have no time to "cause trouble" where people would be united to get rid of me.

I wanted a release to play in a tournament that our team ended up playing in anyway, so I didn't need it. If I wanted a release from the team, I could get one right now.

I always offer you to come talk to me in person or stand right next to me and watch me. You would know that what I'm saying is true. If not, come debate on the 03 forum.  

Coach&Ref wrote:

herradura wrote:

Coach&Ref wrote:Since this player has a habit of getting release after release, there should be reasons for being able to get a competitive releases during mid season.

I'm guessing that y'all have been in select for a few years now (age group?), so have probably seen or heard of this happening before, correct?

Quite a few parents get pretty myopic when it comes to their daughters. If they see a player come out to their practice that is quite noticeably better than their girl, then immediately hackles get raised because it threatens playing time for their girls.

With that being said, if the dad is being completely obnoxious and the girl is treating her teammates like they are unworthy of being on the pitch with her, then that creates a hostile environment and should be dealt with.

If the former situation is true, then the rest of the parents should try to find out HOW the girl acquired her skills and if they can do the same. A the end of the day, no position on a team is safe and kids will get replaced if better ones show.

But coach, isn't the OP hypothetically referring to you and your DD?   

Sorry Coach, I couldn't resist, Just Curious was looking for some 03 drama and you are always an easy target.

But it does make you wonder… Did you ever get that release?

Geez Herradura. Are you going to haunt me from forum to forum? Just leave bashing my comments (not me personally, we agreed) to the 03 forum.

The OP referenced getting releases early EACH season. Since this is the first season of select, and you don't need releases for Academy, I asked what age group the OP was referencing.

Also, my girl gets along with everyone on the pitch and has friends on a lot of teams. She has never been in any situation where parents were united against her. I'm also too busy at practices watching the session to see what I need to work on with my daughter and have no time to "cause trouble" where people would be united to get rid of me.

I wanted a release to play in a tournament that our team ended up playing in anyway, so I didn't need it. If I wanted a release from the team, I could get one right now.

I always offer you to come talk to me in person or stand right next to me and watch me. You would know that what I'm saying is true. If not, come debate on the 03 forum.  

Sorry Coach, I am too busy with my own DD's practices to come and watch YOU watch your DD's practice    I guess I could have her practice with your team - oh, but she would need some kind of a release for that now wouldn't she…    

Sorry Coach, I am too busy with my own DD's practices to come and watch YOU watch your DD's practice    I guess I could have her practice with your team - oh, but she would need some kind of a release for that now wouldn't she…    

I understand. What's with all these silly unnecessary releases anyway?! good grief! You even need one to go to a freaking skills session or shooting training! ACK!  

We came onto a team in which my daughter displaced a player. That particular player was moved to another position on the team and shares time with another new player. I wondered how the established players and parents would accept my daughter, and to my surprise, not one negative things was said or done to her or me. What I learned is if a player is good enough, most people are willing to accept her. If a parent is an annoying idiot, then I would make sure I watch the game away from this parent.

If a player is added, who is better than my daughter, then the first thing I tell my daughter is you either have to work harder, or ask to play a different position on the team. If the player you mention is difficult and the parent is a pain, then usually I have found that time takes care of these things. If the coach does not see what is happening, then the team will fall apart and everyone moves on. It is competitive soccer, this happens all the time. The better the team, the more these things are bound to happen. Also, there is always a team she can play on. If you see the writing on the wall, start planning now and go look at teams that you think are a good fit.

There is no education like adversity.

To stand alone against all adversity is the most sacred moment of existence.

FRANK HERBERT, The Dosadi Experiment

Gratitude in adversity is the most beautiful and precious crown of the soul.

LUDOVICUS BLOSIUS, Spiritual Works of Louis of Blois

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

HARRY S. TRUMAN, Mr. Citizen

Adversity is a misperception as all works toward the good.

JULIA CAMERON, Prayers to the Great Creator

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

MARK TWAIN, Following the Equator

Stars may be seen from the bottom of a deep well, when they cannot be discerned from the top of a mountain. So are many things learned in adversity which the prosperous man dreams not of.

CHARLES HADDON SPURGEON, The Saint and His Saviour

Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven polishes its jewels with.

ROBERT LEIGHTON, attributed, A Dictionary of Thoughts

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

ALBERT EINSTEIN, attributed, A Mind and Heart for Wellness

Adversity is part of life--by avoiding adversity, one avoids life.

PAUL GORDON STOLTZ, Adversity Quotient: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities

Adversity introduces a man to himself.

H. L. MENCKEN, A New Dictionary of Quotations

Prosperity is no just scale, adversity is the only balance to try friends.

Plutarch, attributed, A Dictionary of Thoughts

Adversity is a severe instructor, set over us by one who knows us better than we do ourselves.

EDMUND BURKE, attributed, The Forbes Book of Business Quotations

He that can heroically endure adversity will bear prosperity with equal greatness of soul; for the mind that cannot be dejected by the former is not likely to be transported with the later.

HENRY FIELDING, attributed, Treasury of Thought

The dictionary says that adversity is a condition marked by misfortune, a calamity, or an unfortunate event or circumstance. I say that adversity comes in all shapes and sizes, from life-threatening illnesses, to losing a sale, to failing in business, to rocky relationships. Adversity can be many things according to just when it hits you and under what conditions. Whatever it may be for you, if you have suffered setbacks, hardships, or failures, know that you are not alone. Very few things are true all of the time in all situations, but this is a universal truth: Plans do not become achievements, dreams do not become realities, and ideas do not come to fruition without setbacks, hardships, and failures.

BARRY J. FARBER, Diamond Power

The Gods in bounty work up storms about us, that give mankind occasion to exert their hidden strength, and throw out into practice virtues that shun the day, and lie concealed in the smooth seasons and the calms of life.

JOSEPH ADDISON, Cato

Adversity has ever been considered the state in which a man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, then, especially, being free from flatterers.

SAMUEL JOHNSON, attributed, A Dictionary of Thoughts

Adversity is a good test of our resiliency, our ability to cope, to stand back up, to recover from misfortune. Adversity is a painful pedagogue.

CHARLES R. SWINDOLL, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life

In every kind of adversity, the bitterest part of a man's affliction is to remember that he once was happy.

BOETHIUS, attributed, The International Thesaurus of Quotations

Kites rise against, not with the wind. No man has ever worked his passage anywhere in a dead calm.

JOHN NEAL, Forbes Magazine, 1970

Those who choose to make adversity their friend don't enjoy hardship any more than the next person. But there is a world of difference between those who befriend adversity by overcoming it and learning from the experience, and those who give up at the first sign of an obstacle.... Adversity is going to happen, and usually in ways you could've never foreseen. Knowing this, make a choice right now to look at adversity in a new light the next time it comes your way. Though it may not look so friendly on the surface, realize that adversity is an ally and that it's here to teach you something of crucial importance. Of course it's an unwelcome visitor. But when it presents itself, treat the experience as a unique learning opportunity. Here is your chance to impact positively your human capital development in ways that no seminar, class, or training session can even closely approximate.

J. BARRY GRISWELL & BOB JENNINGS, The Adversity Paradox

As soon as ever thou feelest that any tribulation or adversity is coming upon thee, turn thy mind to the Lord, and commit thyself utterly to Him, without murmuring or seeking a reason for the injury. If thou wilt lament, instead of laying thy complaints before men, lay them humbly before the Lord, treating with Him of whatever grieves thee, as with a most pitiful Father and most present Helper. For His sake bear all things with equanimity. Though the devils lie in wait, and spread the snares of temptations; though thou findest the path of virtue and justice difficult; though one slanders and another oppresses thee; though the cold pinches and the heat burns thee; though thy stomach is weak and thy head aches; though rottenness enter into thy bones, and swarm under thee; though thy mind is overclouded and covered with darkness, and tormented by uncertainty; though thy weary spirit slumbers and is chilled by interior coldness; do thou ever remember to preserve thy patience.

LUDOVICUS BLOSIUS, Spiritual Works of Louis of Blois

Wherever souls are being tried and ripened, in whatever commonplace and homely ways, there God is hewing out the pillars for His temple.

PHILLIPS BROOKS, The Candle of the Lord and Other Sermons

Adversity has made many a man great who, had he remained prosperous, would only have been rich.

MAURICE SWITZER, attributed, Gems of Thought

Adversity makes men; good fortune makes monsters.

FRENCH PROVERB

Abused prosperity is oftentimes made the very means of our greatest adversity.

DANIEL DEFOE, Robinson Crusoe

Adversity is easier borne than prosperity forgot.

ANONYMOUS, Proverbs, Maxims and Phrases of All Ages

Adversity is never the end point; for those faced with a positive attitude, it's always the beginning.

J. BARRY GRISWELL & BOB JENNINGS, The Adversity Paradox

Adversity is the true school of the mind.

KATHARINE LEE BATES, The Pilgrim Ship

Prosperity is not without many fears and distastes; and adversity is not without comforts and hopes.

FRANCIS BACON, "Of Adversity"

Adversity successfully overcome is the highest glory.

ANONYMOUS, Proverbs, Maxims and Phrases of All Ages

Adversity borrows its sharpest sting from impatience.

BISHOP HORNE, attributed, Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers

The day of adversity is one from which none are absolutely secure. Some, indeed, bring adversity on themselves by their own folly; but the wise as well as the foolish are liable to it, and all should be prepared for it.

R. B., United Presbyterian Magazine, Dec. 1, 1879


Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/a/adversity_quotes_ii.html#ITg2OM6rfB1Tb6C2.99

Please note If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

HARRY S. TRUMAN

My personal favorite. A quote that hung in my grandparents kitchen for decades and now has a place in my home…

"Adversity is Opportunity in Work Clothes."

So how long was the DD on your team before you decided she wasn't a good fit or did you have your mind made up prior to the kid coming out based upon "stories" friends have told you about her?

I've found that most of the time it's the environment that the kids are coming from that generally breeds the problem. When so called "trouble makers" come to a team with good chemistry, good kids, and good parents it's amazing how quickly the "trouble makers" are whipped into shape. Yes there are situations where the kid just doesn't get along well with others but most of the time it's the environment they are coming from which has led to their attitude. Also when you have a kid that wont pass it's generally because the previous coach lets them get away with it. What quality kid really ever wants to pass the ball? It's part of the learning process.

Now if this kid has been around for a month or more and it's been a consistent problem then you need to let your coach know. From my experience, most coaches have no idea what kids don't get along with the other kids. It's just simply not on their radar.

Also always rememer this, if you have kids wanting to come to your team it's probably because the parents saw something in the way you played the game that made them want to get their DD involved (unless you are a bottom dweller and the kid is clearly just coming over so they can be the rock star). In many of those situations I've found the new parents very open to change.

What age are you talkng about? ? I know of some 02's that my dd would not play with. IT has not occured yet and I would like to think the coach would handle it. But my concerns go beyond ball hogging. There are worse things out there by players and parents. But as a parent you have to protect what your kids are exposed to even if it is behind the scenes happenings.

frankly on most teams you are stuck with some people you would not give the time of day to socially. that's just the way it is, everyone is there for their kid. if you are lucky the majority will be nice people that you don't mind chit chatting to occasionally. crazy people can only act normal for a very short time....

I agree with Soccer Mom. Go with your gut and do what is right for your DD. If she is unhappy then now is the time to get a release--December and January. There are many teams out there that are looking for a dedicated player. But it is also true, your position is solid until someone better comes along. It's a business and its competitive. But it can be fun with right team. We have had both bad and good. There is nothing like a great team and coach who cares and actually understands soccer. LOL...there are allot who don't out there. DD has the best now and what a difference.

Coach can select players with recruiting, players can select teams by trying out/release. This is the environment of SELECT soccer. If you are not used to this because your dd belongs to a team that has not experienced this...just wait, it will come. However, I would address this directly to the coach about how he/she handles new players. Even if the new player shows "flashes of brilliance", I am of the opinion that the core players should always be given precedence. One player is not worth risking the chemistry if in the end it proves to not make the team better in the long term. I have heard that story before...new girl comes...win a few games...then the bad team-play unfolds.

gimeemore wrote:Coach can select players with recruiting, players can select teams by trying out/release.  This is the environment of SELECT soccer.  If you are not used to this because your dd belongs to a team that has not experienced this...just wait, it will come.  However, I would address this directly to the coach about how he/she handles new players.  Even if the new player shows "flashes of brilliance", I am of the opinion that the core players should always be given precedence.  One player is not worth risking the chemistry if in the end it proves to not make the team better in the long term.  I have heard that story before...new girl comes...win a few games...then the bad team-play unfolds.

I might be cynical, but I don't believe this to be true. The coach is going to do WHATEVER it takes to keep the team in D1. The coach may be fully aware that only a handful of girls might barely keep the team in D1, but who cares? The team is still in D1. Because of this fact, new players will try out for the team at the end of the season and the weak players will not be invited back if someone beats them out, regardless of chemistry.

Look at teams. 1.5hrs of practice 2x per week and one game on Saturday is CLEARLY not enough to significantly improve. On teams, you will find girls and parents who are just fine with this setup, and you will also find those parents who understand that it is nowhere near the training needed to improve. These competitive girls and parents will seek out extra skills sessions and work at home. They will play pick-up futsal games as well as small 3v3 tourneys that the club is not involved in. They may also play indoor and participate in ODP.

At this point, a gap starts to form and those who are seeking the extra training due to their competitive nature, will greatly surpass the others. Two cliques start to form. You will see the chemistry you pointed out, but it will be in the form of chemistry within the separate cliques.