Oh, No! My team blew up! What do I do??

OK...not happening to me (at the moment), but it's that time in our dd's soccer careers when this happens to a LOT of players and their families.  No one is immune, and although stressful, its not the end of the world.

Teams can blow up for many different reasons;

1.  The "We need to keep the girls together" reason - Some teams have been together since U-6 or earler.  Families have bonded.  The team is above average.  Unfortunately, not all players progress in their skills at the same rate, and some players are not as committed.  When there are a couple of tenured players that used to start, and have now found themselves at the end of the bench through some player aquisitions, their parents get nervous.  They won't come straight out and say it, but they will attempt to create animosity toward the "new" players, try to undermine the coach, and attempt a mutiny all in the name of "keeping the girls together".  In fact, they are concerned that one more good player showing up to practice means their dd falls off the end of the bench and will be cut from the team for U-11.  This can often times create a fracture between old and new, where one half goes somewhere else, essentially breaking the team in two.  My advice to you - go the opposite way from the leaders of the mutiny.  Now that they have been successful in taking over the team, they will feel empowered and will do it again whenever their dd is getting toward the end of the bench again.  Many times, they will try to get themselves into the manager spot as well to further solidify a spot for their dd.  Your team will be held back by this philosophy, and if this person has the power now...whenever they feel their dd is not getting enough playing time, they will try to blame the coach.  This becomes an endless cycle that you don't want to be a part of...trust me.

2.  The "we lost our studs" reason - Many teams between 30-60 or so in the rankings are there due to 2-3 stud players.  These studs may have a commitment to the team, but eventually they will realize that their potential for ECNL or college is being handicapped by staying.  They WILL be recruited by the better teams - and I bet they already have fielded multiple calls.  When the first stud leaves, the team will continue for a bit...but the writing is on the wall.  Your team will be performing poorly, and will drop in the rankings, making it impossible to replace that stud.  Sooner or later, the remaining studs realize that the team will never again be what it once was, and will start "listening" to those recruiting calls.  When the second stud leaves, the third is gone within a week.  My advice - obviously, if you are still with the team at this point, your dd is not a stud...but that's unimportant.  What is important is what your dd wants from soccer.  Are you going to make LH like you had hoped with this team? no.  Would it benefit you to find a team that has LH potential and try to make that team?  maybe, but again...what does your dd want?  Your team is not blown up completely at this point, but it is a shadow of what it was without the studs.  Perhaps that's a good thing - you now have a core of players with similar abilities where each has to step up rather than rely on a stud to bail them out.  Re-examine your expectations, make sure you have the coaching you want, and stick around...it might just be a great experience going forward.

3.  The "coaching switcheroo" reason - Bigger clubs like to move coaches around for different reasons.  Some have a "program", which is a fancy word for giving their best academy teams to their senior/well-connected coaches when they go select.  Some others have inner political issues/power struggles/etc.  Either way, you may have all the same players, but not all are going to respond the same to the new coach.  Although this is not a guaranteed team killer, it makes people re-examine their situation and they may seek out a different environment.  These coaches also may be recruiting players from former teams, etc., which can lead to reason #1 above.  My advice - give the new coach a chance, just as you would if you were checking out a new team at a different club, while at the same time, start looking at other teams.  Take some extra time at tournaments and watch some other teams that maybe interest you.  Would your dd be a good fit in their lineup?  Do you like the way the coach of team X interacts with his/her players?  If you end up liking the new coach, and so does the rest of the team, you have no issue...your team is fine.  However...if you don't like the new coach or the team blows up because a group of players leave due to this coaching change, you already have your research done on which practices to check out in the short time you have left before July.

4.  The "merge" reason - Sometimes, a club will merge 2 teams together.  WARNING! One team is already blown up at this point, and fallout is far-reaching.  If it's a big club doing it, the top 6 players on each team will be "merged" to form a stronger team.  the remaining players will be forcefully demoted to a lower team.  If your dd is one of the 6, you may be happy about it, but know that there will be an intrinsic fracture in the team from the outset.  This usually doesn't work out so well due to the us vs. them mentality, and there becomes a lot of turnover, or an outright mutiny.  You may get a new coach out of the deal too (see #3).  If your dd is demoted, you will not be accepted onto the lower team if your dd is a threat to an existing player (see #1). I have seen it work, but more often, all 3 teams end up ceasing to exist.  It ends up being a forced blow up of all 3 teams, and a start of 2 net-new teams.  Some players stick with the club, but it literally is like 2 brand new teams.  My advice - consider yourself a free-agent at this point.  Nothing is guaranteed, and you hold all the cards.  With what your club just did to you, there is no loyalty to be honored or expected from either side.  Start looking for the best coach and environment for your dd...period.  It ultimately may be with your existing club, which would be great, but you MUST make sure and comparison shop.

5  "Toxic Parent Syndrome" - similar to #1 above, but for less noble reasons.  This has nothing to do with the kids, but instead has everything to do with the one overbearing parent that lives vicariously through their dd.  They have a warped sense of reality, and spend countless hours trying to form a coalition of a few parents so that they can hold power over the coach/team.  They can't understand if anyone has a different opinion from them, and once challenged or put in their place, they attempt to poison the team.  They will make plans to leave, and attempt to take as many other players with them as possible.  Luckily, this rarely works, and the toxic parent ends up hopping from team to team until they wear out their welcome everywhere.  My advice - let them go!  Do not try to convince them to stay - help them leave if necessary.  The sooner you are rid of this parent, the better for your team because the longer they stay - the more damage they can do.  If they are trying to get you to leave, be nice, but do not think for a second that there is any loyalty there...it's more about their agenda than you...

So how do you stop these situations from happening?  You can't.  Sometimes, you don't even see the warning signs.  The best thing to do if you are caught up in this situation is not to panic.  If your dd wants to play, there is a team out there for her.  I have personally never seen a player that really wants to play soccer forced to take a year off.  Coaches rarely fill every spot on their roster - they keep one open for that unexpected starting player that either found themselves without a team in July or the stud player that moves into town just before the school year starts.  If you are a D1 caliber player, you won't be stuck playing for a PPL team or something...there are spots out there.  With that being said, the best thing to do is keep your eyes and ears open.  Have a list in your head of teams/coaches that you think might be a good fit...and if the unforseen happens, get on the phone/email immediately.  If you see the warning signs occuring, you may want to start checking out open practices ahead of time to cement your backup plan...just be careful about giving commitments and backing out.  Be honest with the coaches about your situation and don't be a toxic parent, and everything will work out fine.

Very well said...I have older ones but all you have written is very true...

Lots of truth in the original post.

We've been on both sides of it where we've been in the know of a jump to a higher level because they wanted my older DD to go with and where we've been left out of the loop because my youngest DD wasn't a rock star. It's stressful no matter which side of the coin you're on.

The only thing I'd add is if your team implodes, don't dwell on the could have been. Don't waste time and energy blaming people and stuff. Just accept it and move forward. And do your best to hide your irritation from your DD. Be honest with your DD but don't vent to them. It only stresses them out more. And trust me when I say we as parents take this far more seriously than they do. Because really, what's $3K to an 11 year old? Pfft. Money grows on trees, right?

So stockpile the adult beverages and do your best to roll with it.

txtransplant wrote:Lots of truth in the original post.

We've been on both sides of it where we've been in the know of a jump to a higher level because they wanted my older DD to go with and where we've been left out of the loop because my youngest DD wasn't a rock star. It's stressful no matter which side of the coin you're on.

The only thing I'd add is if your team implodes, don't dwell on the could have been. Don't waste time and energy blaming people and stuff. Just accept it and move forward. And do your best to hide your irritation from your DD. Be honest with your DD but don't vent to them. It only stresses them out more. And trust me when I say we as parents take this far more seriously than they do. Because really, what's $3K to an 11 year old? Pfft. Money grows on trees, right?

So stockpile the adult beverages and do your best to roll with it.

Great post... thanks for the insight, being our first time into the world of Select soccer these posts are excellent...

My oldest just saw me responding to this post and said "The '04 are going select this summer? I feel soooo old."

Teenagers. lol

very nice post.. over our DD's (cough) career, we will certainly experience most, if not all of these situations.

Thanks for providing sound logic.

Another excellent post 10's! I'm pretty much dealing with a little of #1 thru 5 this year with my 04 dd. But rest assured I have back up plans in place as this is not my first rodeo!