Teenage female ref devastated by parents' vicious abuse after U10 match degenerates into alleged Liverpool/Manchester rivalry

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2403782/Teenage-female-referee-devastated-parents-abuse-U10-match-turns-Liverpool-Manchester-rivalry.html

See... it's not just Texas! Even the low-key Brit parents get their britches in a wad sometimes.

imasoccerfreak wrote:See... it's not just Texas! Even the low-key Brit parents get their britches in a wad sometimes.

I believe that would be knickers in a twist.  

But you are right, there is no shortage of dumb parents when it comes to kids soccer.

Perfect example on why kids shouldn't be ref's. To emotional and intimidated by parents. There should be a rule that you must be over eighteen to ref games for over u9's and on that note you should be under 60 also.

GOLDENDOMER wrote:Perfect example on why kids shouldn't be ref's. To emotional and intimidated by parents. There should be a rule that you must be over eighteen to ref games for over u9's and on that note you should be under 60 also.

In principle I agree with you, but what happens when the U9s and U10s can only play every other weekend because there are not enough refs? Or the tournaments lop off the u9s and u10s all together and you can't even find a tournament until your team is u12, because of too few refs.

Being a ref is a thankless job and the parents should be able to keep themselves under control. If you see your kids team has a young ref, give him/her a break and expect some bad calls. If it costs you a game, so be it. At U9, U10 and U11 it really doesn't matter.

It's difficult for young kids to make that switch from having to treat adults with respect most of the week and on game days switch into "that line of idiots behind you are biased and have no idea what they're talking about".

Having seen/heard adults tell young officials that they're idiots and stupid, I'm surprised any of them would do it for anything other than the money. Perhaps earplugs should be mandatory.

My DD enters the Referee Ranks this season. I am more worried about the spectators on the side lines than I am her own performance. Her excitement is to help U5 and U6 develop a passion for the game like she has, but I wonder if the darker side of soccer will tamper her own passion. Hopefully she'll have a fantastic experience and all will be well. Also, I hope she doesn't have the experience I had when I was refereeing at 17 years old and punched out by a coach!

Tiki-taka wrote:My  DD enters the Referee Ranks this season.   I am more worried about the spectators on the side lines than I am her own performance.  Her excitement is to help U5 and U6 develop a passion for the game like she has, but I wonder if the darker side of soccer will tamper her own passion.  Hopefully she'll have a fantastic experience and all will be well.    Also, I hope she doesn't have the experience I had when I was refereeing at 17 years old and punched out by a coach!  

You got to admit, you deserved it. I mean, come on, that kid was a half step offsides! Hahaha

My son is a new ref this year, also. He is 12 and I am worried about him getting abused by the parents. I am planning on watching some of his games, but I hope the experience doesn't ruin his opinion of the game.

fhjmom wrote:My son is a new ref this year, also. He is 12 and I am worried about him getting abused by the parents. I am planning on watching some of his games, but I hope the experience doesn't ruin his opinion of the game.

Good luck. My suggestion would be to go to his games and sit on the sideline next to the parents and have it known that he is your son. Say, good job son, when he makes a call or does something right. The parents may back off if they see him as a kid instead of a ref. If a parent got on my 12 year old kid after he made a bad call, there would be more than words. The over zealous soccer parent at U9 is a scourge on the soccer community.

RunsLikeWind wrote:

fhjmom wrote:My son is a new ref this year, also. He is 12 and I am worried about him getting abused by the parents. I am planning on watching some of his games, but I hope the experience doesn't ruin his opinion of the game.

Good luck.  My suggestion would be to go to his games and sit on the sideline next to the parents and have it known that he is your son.  Say, good job son, when he makes a call or does something right.  The parents may back off if they see him as a kid instead of a ref.  If a parent got on my 12 year old kid after he made a bad call, there would be more than words.  The over zealous soccer parent at U9 is a scourge on the soccer community.  

I have thought about doing this also, but it can be dicey. (what if I start calling out the ref for her calls! LOL) This is my DD first "job" and she is working on establishing her "Independence" (even though we parents are the transportation!). She and I will probably talk about whether she wants me there. Keller has a very good referee development program, so the adults will be there to tamp down any hot issues too. I see a lot of upside for young referees, builds confidence, and brings a better understanding of the game. Although, I can imagine a scenario where DD advises a ref during her own playing game that those yellow and red cards in the refs pocket aren't paper weights! LOL

Good luck to all DDs and BBs reffing this year. The attrition rate is horribly high, so we would all be doing our players and the game a favor by not contributing to ref abuse.

By way of context, nearly all associations now have a "zero tolerance" policy for ref abuse and spectator behavior. Advise all DDs and BBs reffing that their recourse is not to address the parents directly, but rather go to the coach at half time and ask the coach to take care of their spectators. If that doesnt work, and if the parent is there, look for a league official and invite them to watch the 2nd half. In all cases, add this behavior to the game report.

Again, I am proud of the young refs who are taking this on. Yes, the money is good, but they are taking on responsibility of being "in charge" of enforcing the Laws, and keeping the youngest athletes safe. I, for one, will always support the blue badges.

Tiki-taka wrote:

RunsLikeWind wrote:

fhjmom wrote:My son is a new ref this year, also. He is 12 and I am worried about him getting abused by the parents. I am planning on watching some of his games, but I hope the experience doesn't ruin his opinion of the game.

Good luck.  My suggestion would be to go to his games and sit on the sideline next to the parents and have it known that he is your son.  Say, good job son, when he makes a call or does something right.  The parents may back off if they see him as a kid instead of a ref.  If a parent got on my 12 year old kid after he made a bad call, there would be more than words.  The over zealous soccer parent at U9 is a scourge on the soccer community.  

I have thought about doing this also, but it can be dicey. (what if I start calling out the ref for her calls! LOL)  This is my DD first "job" and she is working on establishing her "Independence" (even though we parents are the transportation!).   She and I will probably talk about whether she wants me there.   Keller has a very good referee development program, so the adults will be there to tamp down any hot issues too.  I see a lot of upside for young referees, builds confidence, and brings a better understanding of the game.   Although, I can imagine a scenario where DD advises a ref during her own playing game that those yellow and red cards in the refs pocket aren't paper weights! LOL

skillzbeatbrutes wrote:Good luck to all DDs and BBs reffing this year.  The attrition rate is horribly high, so we would all be doing our players and the game a favor by not contributing to ref abuse.

By way of context, nearly all associations now have a "zero tolerance" policy for ref abuse and spectator behavior. Advise all DDs and BBs reffing that their recourse is not to address the parents directly, but rather go to the coach at half time and ask the coach to take care of their spectators.   If that doesnt work, and if the parent is there, look for a league official and invite them to watch the 2nd half.  In all cases, add this behavior to the game report.

Again, I am proud of the young refs who are taking this on. Yes, the money is good, but they are taking on responsibility of being "in charge" of enforcing the Laws, and keeping the youngest athletes safe.  I, for one, will always support the blue badges.

Tiki-taka wrote:

RunsLikeWind wrote:

fhjmom wrote:My son is a new ref this year, also. He is 12 and I am worried about him getting abused by the parents. I am planning on watching some of his games, but I hope the experience doesn't ruin his opinion of the game.

Good luck.  My suggestion would be to go to his games and sit on the sideline next to the parents and have it known that he is your son.  Say, good job son, when he makes a call or does something right.  The parents may back off if they see him as a kid instead of a ref.  If a parent got on my 12 year old kid after he made a bad call, there would be more than words.  The over zealous soccer parent at U9 is a scourge on the soccer community.  

I have thought about doing this also, but it can be dicey. (what if I start calling out the ref for her calls! LOL)  This is my DD first "job" and she is working on establishing her "Independence" (even though we parents are the transportation!).   She and I will probably talk about whether she wants me there.   Keller has a very good referee development program, so the adults will be there to tamp down any hot issues too.  I see a lot of upside for young referees, builds confidence, and brings a better understanding of the game.   Although, I can imagine a scenario where DD advises a ref during her own playing game that those yellow and red cards in the refs pocket aren't paper weights! LOL

I was planning on sitting a bit away from the action where I could watch and be available if things did turn foul, but not really in a position to be seen. I do want him to learn his independence, but also not feel like he is being thrown to the wolves. One of the nice things is I am also a league official and can casually sit nearby or do frequent drive-bys on the Saturdays I am on duty and hopefully just by the presence of someone official the parents will try to keep it in check. I plan to do this for all our young refs, not just my son, and our league encourages the league officials to be out watching games and to be visible. Here, they have young refs start doing centers on the U5 and U6 games with no ARs, so it can be kind of intimidating when they are the only one out there.

Skillz, we have already talked about not addressing parents. Having some time on the sidelines with him watching his sisters has helped in giving us the opportunity to discuss how the ref handles situations and makes his/her calls. I try to be supportive of those kids in the middle because they are learning just like the little players they are on the field with.