parent personalities?

The other thread about moms vs. dads got me thinking...its really more of a personality type than anything. Figured I would take a stab at quantifying the different parent personalities...fill in where I left out..

1. The Kum-by-yah parent: This is a parent that many times refuses to sit near their own team's parents because they are embarrassed at their behavior. This parent is the one that thinks we should not keep score, equally divide playing time/position, and feels the only words that should be expressed on the sideline are "yay, sweetie!"

2. The Screamer: Opposite of the Kum-by-yah parent - this is the one that screams for EVERYTHING, and most often---incorrectly. If an opposing forward makes a move and dribbles through the defense and ends up 1v1 with the keeper, he/she is screaming for an "offsides" call. Every foul called against their team was "all-ball", and the ref never seems to calls any fouls against the other team.

3. The "assistant coach": This parent seems to know exactly what is best for the team, and spends most of their time playing politics with the parent sideline in an effort to show a united front to the coach that the parents want to play tournament X, or league X, or what positions should be, or what players should be cut from the team, etc...

4. The Whiner: This one always blames something else for the loss. Whether it be the ref not calling the game right, the other player getting away with being too physical, etc. A common phrase heard from this parent is: "we totally out-skilled them, but they just pushed us around and the ref never called it...they have no skill-they are just meanies...we are better soccer players"

5. The Obi-Wan: The all-knowing parent that knows everything there is to know about soccer, and is more than willing to let everybody know it - whether they asked about it or not.

6. The Rec parent: This one can't understand competitive/select soccer. They can't understand why the coach would be upset after a loss, why coach doesn't cancel practice when its cold/drizzly/etc., why there is no snack assignments, and why the coach would leave an obviously tired player on the field when he/she has a player on the bench (usually their kid), that hasn't played yet.

Got any more?

The video gamer: The parent who tells their kid where they should be / how hard they should run, etc.. Tries to control every move their kid (or others) should make on the pitch instead of letting them or their coach determine this.

Yes, you forgot:

7. None of the above (this is me).
8. All of the above (this is me even though I think I'm a #7).

The Full Kit Wanker Parent: Obviously wears a full kit of his kids team (or close to it). A jersey and soccer shorts does qualify, even if it is from an EPL version of your kids team.  Saw and heard one a season or two ago.  It was quite ironic how said parent was stating ideology found quite often on the 04 board.

soccerdad1969 wrote:The video gamer: The parent who tells their kid where they should be / how hard they should run, etc.. Tries to control every move their kid (or others) should make on the pitch instead of letting them or their coach determine this.

Which is why I became more of a #1 years ago. That loud parent that joysticks their kid from the sideline caused me to move to a far end. I couldn't stand listening to it all game.

I like to sit close to the half line so I can hear the other team's parents say stuff like "That was a fluky goal."

I often find myself imagining I'm a spectator at Roman gladiatorial event.

#10) The Jim Jones Parent - This is akin to the Full-Kit Wanker parent but a few steps further. The JJ parent is one that cannot be friends with or cordial to any parent or child from another team. They have "drank the Kool-Aid" as it were. They eschew all that do not belong to their present DD's academy and look upon all others with haughty derision. These parents were previously nice and resonable people until their child donned the kit of "X", now they sever all ties with non-X friends and families. They only talk to or associate with their own kind.

(now that I think about it - poisoning them is not such a bad idea...) :-)

#9. The Forum Father: Eyes every parent of the opposing team and sometimes his own team, wondering if they are one of the jerks on the forum talking smack about his daughters team.

#10. The Bad Juggler: the dad you see getting caught up during warm ups and half time trying to beat his juggling high...which no more than a solid 12 maybe.

#11. The Doubtful Dad: has every reason why the other team should have won...when the real reason is, his daughter didn't get in much.

#12. The Friendly Camera Dad: usually gets acquainted with the opposing goalies dad because he is on the wrong sideline with his Nikon/Canon he just picked up from Sams club with the right above standard lens. He is the friendlier parent and level headed cause he realizes its really just kids playing soccer. Tells opposing goalie dad what a great save by his DD and helps defend her efforts when she gets scored on. He always brings up his aspirations to acquire a high powered lens because he is a tad insecure about the shots he is or isn't getting. Everyone likes this guy except the intense competitive dads on his team because he is always FLIPPING OPTIMISTIC WHEN THE DAMN GIRLS AREN'T PLAYING WELL!!

How could I forget...
#13. Brown Nosing Coaches Pet Dad: no description needed...you know who you all are...just know, coaches are loyal to NO ONE...the better player will play. Beers and Brown Nosing will only make bench time more painful...

I'm #12, just change to friendly camera mom. I sometimes get nasty looks from my own team parents when I comment positively if the opposing team's keep makes an amazing save. Love my dd's team but still extremely goaliecentric. Started taking pics years ago as a way to constructively channel keeper parent anxiety

MaggieMaggie wrote:I'm #12, just change to friendly camera mom.  I sometimes get nasty looks from my own team parents when I comment positively if the opposing team's keep makes an amazing save.   Love my dd's team but still extremely goaliecentric.  Started taking pics years ago as a way to constructively channel keeper parent anxiety

"admitting is the first step sister..."

how about the 300 lb mom with a 44 oz drink sitting under an umbrella yelling at her kid to run harder in 100 degree heat....

silentparent wrote:how about the 300 lb mom with a 44 oz drink sitting under an umbrella yelling at her kid to run harder in 100 degree heat....

Snap that pic....put it on instagram, haven't witnessed that yet. Bet she loves games, that's a great reason to pick up refreshments and suggest team outtings at the nearby Buffalo Wild Wings or Razzos

Pre-game I'm a Bad Juggler followed by #9 Forum Father. At the start if the game I transition to a #1 Kum Bay Yah for about 37 seconds then to a #3 assistant coach followed quickly by a #5 Obi Wan. This doesn't last long since I can express my total soccer knowledge in a few minutes by this time my DDs team is losing so I switch to a #4 whiner.

silentparent wrote:how about the 300 lb mom with a 44 oz drink sitting under an umbrella yelling at her kid to run harder in 100 degree heat....

On the flip side, recently divorced Dad/Mom decked out in Saturday night best with groomed hair, white teeth and tan skin. They spend more time looking to whats around the field than what's going on in the game. After the occasional yeah, great job comment, they get back to responding to the 100 text messages they just got and surfing workout and personal ads.

kixR4Adults2 wrote:

silentparent wrote:how about the 300 lb mom with a 44 oz drink sitting under an umbrella yelling at her kid to run harder in 100 degree heat....

Snap that pic....put it on instagram, haven't witnessed that yet. Bet she loves games, that's a great reason to pick up refreshments and suggest team outtings at the nearby Buffalo Wild Wings or Razzos

you havent seen the great wildebeasts in their natural habitat yet? you have been missing out. wish i could miss out on it, it aint pretty...

Lakedad wrote:

silentparent wrote:how about the 300 lb mom with a 44 oz drink sitting under an umbrella yelling at her kid to run harder in 100 degree heat....

On the flip side, recently divorced Dad/Mom decked out in Saturday night best with groomed hair, white teeth and tan skin.  They spend more time looking to whats around the field than what's going on in the game.  After the occasional yeah, great job comment, they get back to responding to the 100 text messages they just got and surfing workout and personal ads.

LMAO...which brings us to the Perverted Hot Pants Dad looking

more like the women on the prowl for men, usually with a tramp stamp...

Good soccer dads never make a move...just have guy talk. I've accidentally overheard some moms get out of line with their dialogues about some young guy coaches or opposing dads.

Personally I like to be the quiet parent listening to the other teams parents cheer their 150lb 5'-8" daughter for running over kids and playing kickball for the "win"

Kickball Parent - The bigger the kick the louder the cheer

The parakee parents:  These are the parents that keep repeating the same line in every game.... examples are, "Goooooood" or "Way to goooooo" or "Greeeaaat".

silentparent wrote:more like the women on the prowl for men, usually with a tramp stamp...

Tell me about it! That's why I got my tramp stamp removed! Got tired of all of those soccer mom's trying to slip me their phone #'s at halftime or on the walk back to the parking lot...  

kixR4Adults2 wrote:

silentparent wrote:how about the 300 lb mom with a 44 oz drink sitting under an umbrella yelling at her kid to run harder in 100 degree heat....

Snap that pic....put it on instagram, haven't witnessed that yet. Bet she loves games, that's a great reason to pick up refreshments and suggest team outtings at the nearby Buffalo Wild Wings or Razzos

You can't just put that in Instagram...That has to go on Insta-KILOgram sir! (couldn't resist)