What does a parent do?

Problem:

You have a child that plays at a very high level on a very top team. He/she has been with this team and coach for 4-5 years. The team is extremely successful. The child has been extremely successful. The child's potential is very high for DI scholarships and thier soccer skill has progressed greatly up until a few months ago. The coach is a high caliber coach, that is very successsful and produced many DI players. However, over the last year the child has developed a great dislike for the coach. So much dislike that he/she has not been playing to near the level as before. He/she is not enjoying the game as much and has even made the statement that they would go to a lesser team just to get a way from the coach and his style. Do you move the child to another team? Do you make them stick it out and work through the situation? I am kind of a hard nosed parent and one that does not like running away from problems and do not want to teach the child to, but as parents we all spend several thousand dollars a year and countless hours to make our children the best players they can and want to be and a siutation like this could be stunting thier soccer growth. What would you do??????

Move her before she ends up not liking soccer due to her current environment. Seems like a no brainer.

Find another coach and team. I'm certain there are several that that caliber. It's not giving up, quitting or failing. It is time for a new voice. IMO, every kid needs a new voice every 2-4 years in order to keep being challenged and growing. New coach will challenge her in ways the old coach did not and she will have new obstacles which can interest her and reinvigorate her.

5 years and then just recently the change? Some major trust issue happened...you may want to investigate it further. "Coaching style" has nothing at all to do with the 180 degree turn - its personal for some reason. And by all means, switch teams - something is wrong.

I would do whatever I though was in the best interest of my child.

You (not the coach, teammates, other parents) as her parent, are the only one who is going to put her best interest above all others.

Don't fail her in that regard.

What Hooligan wrote, and : it's her journey, let her own the decisions. She'll love you for the freedom and restraint you are showing.

DDdad wrote:IMO, every kid needs a new voice every 2-4 years in order to keep being challenged and growing.  

This is excellent advice.

I agree with a lot of the advice posted. Move her so she continues to enjoy the sport. My daughter moved this year after being with the same team for some time and her thing was that she wanted to try a new voice/coaching style and she wanted to be with her friends that she was missing. Still playing high level. I can't hate on her for that because at 13 that probably would have been my "priorities" when it came to playing sports...fun and friends and of course a good coach.

THANKS for the serious and great replies. I appreciate them. It will be a tough thing to do but if things do not change it looks like we will have to make a move at end of season. Going to be a long rest of season though the way things are now. Several expensive showcase type events coming up and she is not even enjoying the season! When your playing at the level they play and your getting about 90% of the game minutes, winning most games and still not happy, the move is going to have to happen.

Im curious have you talk too your coach about your daughters unhappiness?

She has talked to him about some things but not specifically about not wanting to play for him any longer. To this point I have not got involved and am trying to let her work it and/or figure it out on her own. It is obviously beginning to have an effect on her play now and probably coming to a point we will have to get involved (besides talking to her about it) or this will be somewhat of a lost season as far as progressing at the same pace she has in the past.

Sounds strange. Playing at a high level, 90pct minutes, winning the games, been there a long time, and dd not happy? You're saying the DD is the one guaging that her development pace has slowed down? How could the year be considered wasted under those circumstances? What would she need to be happy?

I think its smart to try and let her work it out at first before intervening. I get the impression you don't think anything of a serious nature is occuring that is making her want to make a change. If that is accurate, most parents would do it for her. Letting her make the choice is wise. And ultimately, she will be happier with the choice.
Just my .02.

jsullivan81 wrote:I think its smart to try and let her work it out at first before intervening. I get the impression you don't think anything of a serious nature is occuring that is making her want to make a change. If that is accurate, most parents would do it for her. Letting her make the choice is wise. And ultimately, she will be happier with the choice.
Just my .02.

I agree with letting her own it , but would think the parent would help her think through why she wants to change and the ramifications if any. Sounds like some on here feel that it needs to be something 'serious in nature' to justify wanting to make a change. It can be something as simple as:
. tired of the same voice
. learned all I can from this coach
. want a different style
. want a different opportunity
. being taken for granted

Every year is a new year, and at the top levels, for the most part, no loyalty is given by the coaches, so none should be expected. The highest levels of select soccer are all about what can you do for me this year.

jsullivan81 wrote:Move her before she ends up not liking soccer due to her current environment. Seems like a no brainer.

Ditto!

Maybe she is burnt out. Many players get to that point and many do not want to express such to their parents. Have a serious talk with her to evaluate.

If your daughter is in soccer for the long haul, there is value in a team/coach move every few years.  Getting that fresh or alternate perspective from a new experienced coach will help your player grow.  

After 4 to 5 years with the same team/coach, most players need that fresh perspective.  It's often hard for a preteen or teen to realize that.  They want to cling to the friends & coach they've grown attached to.

If they are going to play "at the next level", they need to accept team and coaching moves as part of the game.

Find her a new coach!